hate is in the barrel of a gun/love is in the barrel of a needle

pop a pill on your tongue
wait till that fucker hits yr system
we were the talk of the town
you and i
now we are just whispered about through cracks
they say we are just the monster that will eat your insecurities alive
lets charm the conflict diamond outta em
and leave them a charcoal cadaver
status report: hell bent on heaven sent
i am the official secretary for the mile high club
moonlit love 1000s of feet into the sky
hades keeps dead ringing me
better put pennies on my eyelids when i die
so the taxman and the ferryman get a cent each

so alfresco, baby

lazy hazy sunday noon.

orange skies
red eyes
white lies
lucid dreams in REM
we sleep inside body bags next to hearts we will never own
and we live next door to the love we will never know
stop.
put love on the backburner
you make me feel so infinite
im stuck on the math of “you” + “me”
does that equal “we”? or just wishful thinking?
i will never know what we are
(the jurys thrown out like my spine on this one)
i keep yr feet in the ground and yr head in the clouds
and you keep me in check and my mouth shut up
all i truly want is for the world to spin me away from danger

I wouldnt call this a "relationship", more like "long distance mutual fond feelings"

dreamt last night that i fell asleep in my time zone and woke up in yours
we are all sparks and flames and passion but no “us”
why isn’t your head next to mine on this pillow already?
i got that spark back, thanks to you
i owe you the world and so much more
you pour the kerosene back in my veins
you throw the bounce back in my step
you put the glint back in my eyes
you soften the glass shards in my words
and turn them to sweet nothings
whispered across the pillows to the new lovers we moulded from ex-friends
i dont hate so hard on the world anymore now that im on the upshot of life
i guess im slightly obsessive, but it keeps me in one piece
fingertips worn down to the bone from typing sweet nothings

(you cannot envision the amount of times i have written you an email about us and addressed it to you and just left it in my drafts)

i just wanna cut off all my hair and mail it to you. thats all.

i always said i will be forever young and dumb and full of love
but my youth up and left and i pretty much hate every(one/thing):
so now i am just plain stupid.
then you came along and stayed for a song
i was left me spinning and catching my breath
white flags are waving under my skin and i want to give myself up to you
trying to purge my senses from you
trying to forget you, truly
but you trip me up and throw me heels over head in love
and with a busted lip and bruised knee, i just put my chin up and smile...
Love.
its kinda hard to come by
and its even harder to get away from
"i only want what i cant have"
you are unobtainable
it breaks my (purple) heart to admit it to myself
grit my teeth.
save face.
stockpile up all the hate from forcing myself to move on
and dump it on the ones i love


"te amo carnal"

the pot calling the kettle black

you spin pirouettes on my common sense,
i only wanna work a little number on your buckle.
love these days is a game of guesswork.
not like clockwork. not like chess: cool, calm and collected.
it is
- burning love notes into suburban front lawns
- spinning kicks x floor punches
- the dead poets society
- punching princeton boys in the mouth
- jazz cigarettes on lover's floors
- curb stomps
- crushing on whoever calls you out
- shitty poetry and lyrics made from misery
- fuck you's and fuck you right back's
dirty teens with broken fists, wrists and teeth.
we are all 21st century Monet's. street art masterpieces.
swapping scuff marks for a shiner.
and- fuck- we wouldnt have it any other way.

KINGDOM CAME

we are all just starfishes,
laced with scars upon scars from all the times we ripped each other apart

excerpt from "This Is Mutiny"...

(this is basically just a taster from a book ive been working on...
its kinda just a collection of my writing. enjoy, fuckers)

"oh baby, you dont know how you glow in the dark"
sipped on intimacy from all the young couples putting on a fuck-show
100 kids and i am truly alone
665 thoughts and i am one drink shy of being the devil's best friend
me to the bottle: "i have a diamond hard liver"
wake up and caffienate myself out of it
but i guess i never was really in it much to begin with
just too damn busy having a head rush
swapping saliva at a chance at love
"you are a drug and i want you in my veins"

(i only write like this ever)

the internet is my haven
i am THE most boring and awkward person in real life
im even more awkward than the fact the word "awkward" has two double- u's in it
pretty sure i could even override your insomnia and put you to sleep
(only forever this time)
that is, in the unlikely event we will ever see each other face to face like i dream of
was i made this way?
my parent went out and bought titanium molds i can never break out of
i transcend all social barriers
normal may well be overrated, but i pine for a day of feeling average
rather just feeling down and used
im a puppet on the strings for the gods
their hyena-esque laughter kills me like THEY do
i live for the weekends but not as my friends do
they get high and smashed
i just study and lurk and just exist and i fucking hate it more than you would
(exams over soon, then summer, and although i will always be a winter kind of girl its nice to have time off school to do stuff and fucking
feel alive!)
but i got PLANS for the holidays...

"moet & chandon, darling, will only just do..."

the mrs who hits with her misses

smash a bottle of your best against the worst built hull in the harbour

and the best boy choir is setting you off with their chart breaking, heart breaking hit, "doomeddoomeddoomed"

because everone knows that you really are fucked

and then some

titanic sailing on a ocean of crocodile tears

your icy end is imminent, sweetheart,
you only doggy paddle because secretly you fear death

otherwise you would just give up to make THEM happy

(and i am with them on this one)

this is my stand (show me yr demons)

“what do you dream of?
im telling you, bby, im a work of art
a dime in a dozen or diamond in the rough
we are polar opposites
(but that never seemed to stop us from attracting each other)
And blame it on me, bby, im just a trainwreck
any excuse will do when theres a score to settle
im just yearning for a second chance
you call and I come running
i am breaking my back from bending over backwards for you, but my stitches are coming undone from the one before
i cant keep this façade up forever
i cant play friends
i cant play stupid
i cant play innocent
when every time I see you, I see what im missing...

HERES YOUR DISCLAIMER.

taking time from being a tragic to write you off... and for what its worth, i really do love you.

but for fucks sake, dont take everything i say at face value. swallowing this dialect without thinking about it too hard could be the death of you. there are a million interpretations of the thoughts that mosey round my brain. i just let you in on a few of the more tasty ones. and i really do hate explaining myself. but just dont forget that you choose what these words really mean. (fuck the dictionary)

e.y.b.

part time lover, full time fucker
open up old wounds for the fun of it
drinking blood from 'homemade' teacups, made in china
love never seemed so fragile
yet i still beat it black and blue for everytime it gave up on me
i wish you could love me back
'us' works well on paper
you always kiss my bruises and cuts
i would slash my lips for a chance to press them to yours
constantly invading my mind
just keep in mind that i am out of mine
i lost the keys and i dont have lockpick skills
sick sick dreams of you wrapping your car around a tree
wishing you dead
maybe then i could finally fall asleep
i want you off my chest, out of my chest
your name flings back and forth in my ribcage and multiplies in my
lungs, just to be breathed out, like
"smoke another cigarette, faggot!"
hot pocket tumours, sleeping soundly inside CAT scans
loyalties broken easy as tibias and fibulas

x-ray eyes

and

radiology poisoning

"my love is electric"

another antidote to the anecdote...

even my friends have been commenting on the bags under my eyes. i just shrug it off, roll my eyes. i can deal with the lack of sleep. im not proud of it- however- you are. go home to starve yourself from another 8-hour snooze so you have something to whine about next day at school, why dont you? and while youre at it, sort out your fucking priorities. you think your sex life > your friendships and self integrity. fucking hell!

its another fucking hipster 'trend' made from a serious fucking problem. every wishes their life to be the most tragic, their bags to be the darkest- its just a joke of a competition. you ruin this for everyone else- the people that actually have really issues, opposed to your 'daddy problems'. youre just pissed off coz he wont give you his plastic. you give bad names to them ('us', tentatively).this all makes me want to 'Columbine' it up on every one of you spoilt little shits. do us a favour and go fuck yourselves!!

Its not a "me" thing, its a "you" thing

hotel, motel, hostel, holiday inn
i am up to my glands in one nights stands
the noose is lookin pretty good aint it, hun?
isnt it ironic how you write his name on your neck like its some kind
of rope?
And isnt it funny how you takes every word from his mouth as gospel
when its really just lies?
how bad does the honesty hurt?
i spit this shit with no remorse
i got a massive ego but its chained down to my chest
about as free as a mockingbird with broken wings
i let it roam around with all the racehorses in the glue factory
my mistake for opening my mouth
this is the saga of another royal fuck-up
volume one of our tragedy

Why is the rum always gone?

ive been down this road before and its a dead end
there is no light at the end of this tunnel
it took me weeks to pick my self esteem up of the floor
and its gonna take me months to restore my faith in humanity
my heart was made to be broken
forget me
im just a nail in your coffin
another sawn off shotgun under your bed
i wish this was just another country town im passing through on the
road to a big city
but it just aint, little cyanide princess
looking like a kid on a date with uncertainty
you got a chip on your shoulder the size of house rafters
and hearts on all your sleeves baring teeth and 'no vacancy' signs
all my friends have lost the shine in their eyes
they used to be gold
now they are just gold-plated
(and i know im not the first to write about this)
but they are still my homeboys
our names in the good books
the bad book is the bible
but its not too long before we burn all the pages
and we are living in a house of cards
sit and smile as the roof caves in
spend time with me in wonderland
"we're all mad here!"

oh bby, just tell me how you are feeling, because i am in need of something to steal (AKA. you asked me a question, i answer with a saga)

make believe of making out
we are just the white noise in headphones.
you arent tragic, you are just a headache
"too bad i am in love with the pain"
and i am a zombie
a dead kid walking on Stilnox
dancing insomnia to the rev of engines
i have dreams of deathwishes
with you and me making love with guns in our mouths
i heard this story of prison wardens taking bets on prisoners playing
russian roulette
(but how ironic would it be if the guns were fully loaded?)
every dream i have you are in it
we kiss and the curtains drop down
but then what goes on behind closed doors is the real nightmare
"encore" and we are on stage in a heartbeat
limelights and i am over this shit
i have felt worse than i have in ages and im falling out and losing
control
i sit in my room and stare at the wall
daydreaming of the love you can never give me
i love you
i have the worst taste in anyone and the worst luck in anything
but you are amazing
i was in a winning streak and have since fucked up
i dont remember what was the straw that broke this camels back, but
either way i need a bandaid or euthanization
dont sleep. ever.
you text me something sweet and i text you back something sweeter
but no reply
then i stay up till dawn scrutinising every word i told you out of
fear i said something to hurt you
i am in a maelstrom with no boat or lifesaver
i think ive gone mad
and so the proof is in the pudding
choked on the file in my birthday cake
you just keep on pushing me away though
once bitten, twice shy
so i bit all the fingers off the hand that feeds me
i am waist deep in love and it is pulling me down harder than gravity
ever did
(gravity never loved me and) love is threatening to drown me
too bad my name is the reason you stave off the razor from your wrist
i just want to lay down with you and hold you close (isnt that what
lover's do?)
you stupid geriatric fuck
you are perfection
awkward laughs and smiles and i just swoon
i dont know anyone i would rather stay up all night talking to on the
phone
i spend all tuesday night rehearsing me telling you i am in love with
an angel-and all wednesday trying to get the words out
isnt this just great?
i havent got the guts to tell you how i feel
its like a scene out of a d-grade romcom...
but the buttered popcorn x sloppy kissing x groping in the dark cinema
x the thrill of not being caught makes it all worthwhile
i love your rockpool eyes
(i just want to fall right into you and drown, cause i know youll
bring me back to life)
i love your fragility
(porcerlain hope and come hang your heavy head next to mine on this
make-up and tead stained pillowcase)
"and you know what? fuck corny right now, coz the reason its cliche is
coz its foolproof and totally works!"
i dont believe in fate
but i believe in you

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips..

everyone just wants to watch you burn and crash
but we will show them, wont we?
youre just a posterboy for humanity
all walk and no talk of happiness
but i see the cracks in the mirror
worry lines deeper than laugh lines
i am a palm reader and my bachelors in the gutter
"oh how your eyes sparkle..."
throw in your two weeks notice
re-construction of everything you ever held dear
told to chasing cars in reverse on a highway...
(youre just fucking roadkill, kid.)
parents put you under home arrest on friday nights...
(youre just fucking buzzkill, kid!)
lovemaking in cuffs reminds you of nights with razors to your wrists...
(youre just fucking bonerkill, kid!!!)
inject me
i hate being loved
i want to be condemned
treat me like a monster
(its all i deserve)

I AM FALLING APART

and i find it kinda funny in that this isnt a plea for attention, its just to let you know i am beginning to accept my fate.

in other news i have found someone else- rather than you- to obsess over. its someone just as messed up as i am. we sorta just hang and talk about our personality flaws and how we are in love with them. its great. actually its amazing. i just gotta bite the bullet and share the inside of my head/heart/guts. and hopefully this time when i (eventually) get rejected, the carpet of self-confidence wont get ripped out from under my feet so hard this time. you made me eat the pavement.

but i thank you; you made me who i am today. i am over it and moving on.
are you proud of me?

"Shut your fucking face, or i'll smack you so hard in the mouth you'll be shitting out your wisdom teeth!"

Failure above the belt

my middle finger is stuck up at the world
fuck the kids
fuck the teachers
fuck the whole damn school
my mind is a blur but i love it
it equals the shakes in my hands everytime we exchange words
its usually ends up like a "heyhowareyougottogobyeloveyou"
even though i never mean it
thats the reason i have a energy drink 3xdaily
to make for the energy i lose trying to be normal
for once in my goddamn life i would kill to be laughed with not at
you think i love this? take a walk on a tightrope with your eyes and
ears shut.
dont listen to the boos and fuck yous
"good night, baby, sleep tight,
coz im gonna suffocate you with your blanket tonight!"

"let me serenade you! i wrote about drugs, sex, cigarettes x booze. i know the ups/downs of each one... to tell you the truth i may have a problem"

i take an ambien with a mouth full of adjectives
cap it off with adverbs and a handfull of laxatives
im not kidding when i say this world will swallow you whole
its true
itll send you back to your teenage
bedroom, licking your wounds
howl at the moon
this aint a fucking solo its mission from God
i know he hates me but my alter ego spits "fuck you, you dont know shit"
and while we are on the subject of violent outbursts and blasphemy
"i love you" just isnt a same with beer in hand
i wish i was made of slugs and snails and puppy dog tails
then id have a half decent excuse for always falling apart

Chainsaw love with all the accompanied mellodrama

it takes than glue to heal all wounds
will you stitch smiles onto all my scars?
feeling fragile pulses beneath bruised skin
shadow framed cheeks from the harsh sunlight
hearts thump to the deadbeat in a cemetaries
i love those mornings where we stay in bed till 4 in the afternoon
and we are so caught up in each other we dont know where you start and i end
i want nothing more than to be wrapped in your skin
ive wasted so many words and fucked it up when ive only meant well
to tell you the truth you are something of a mystery and i was enthralled from the beginning
i wish you would only smile when you meant it and i wish you would sleep better
dreams with me and you under city lights, even if the skylines are different
"it aint love but its got the same rush from heart to crotch"

Well fuck.

i don't even get your second-hand breath, let alone the love with it.

tongues for kissing and hands for caressing

An Ode to the Pretty Pretty Kids with the Tired Tired Eyes‏

close but no cigar
so heres a cigarette instead
getting tobacco kicks behind the school's tennis courts
stiff upper lip "no" till i saw your tear-stained baby doll face
then i melted a little
like break a sweat, broke a drought
break a mother's back with footsteps on the pavement crack
i never cry thanks to a salt buildup in my ducts
opening sleep stiched eyes with a yawn to a sleeping face
the pills dont work when you make cameos in my dreams
made a noose with my sheets right up next to the phone
waiting till 11:11 to make a wish you would call and confess everything to me
kick out the chair beneath my feet
and kiss black and blue lips
suicidal wishes with a tendancy to become reality
wanna shut me up?
just put me the fuck to bed.
i want to sleep inside love
between rooster teeth and real love and dinosaur bones and you.

I would sell my soul for some sanity!

fuck the yesterdays and fuck the tommorows
one oh one with the plus ones
i lied when i said i had a nightmare
i confess it was a dream and i dreamt of you
my legs have since given in from carrying a head full of dreams
found i was my own twin so i gutted the worser-off and left em for dead
traitor in my own time in my head
these words offer no peace of mind
just refunds for grounding spines up against hotel room matresses
skin on skin
you wish for a lovers shoulder when im standing right here unnoticed
and im off to shoot up on skylines and better times
my memories failing- was it ever easyliving?
cant remember what 'love' felt like
cant remember the last time i felt alive
"i just drank a fifth of vodka; dare me to drive?"

anarchy in this URL

i like to think you live between our computer screens
lost in translation like tokyo city lights
honestly ive never felt so at home as when im trawling through your dotcoms
youve got enough pages to keep me
Engaged
refresh hot keys are worn down to nubs but (baby) i keep on pressing
gotta weird obsession with sid vicious and i think id jump off this burning bridge if he followed suit
sometimes i want to smack everyone in the face for stooping so fucking low as to hang with a kid like me
and i scream "theres no cure for that gravel rash on your chin"
keep your head high and your standards even higher
its the only way to make it outta this one starbucks town

"Come on, lets go assemble the cannon fodder..." "Thats not what we're calling them, sweetie." "Not to their faces. What am i- insensitive?"

past tense is putting my head in a box and taping it shut
"dear dr gravity, im lost in this city"
trying to read a map but the street names are all a blur
"and dear dr gravity ive lost my mind"
the cool metal on yr empty wrists will make you weep for the scar
i wrote this all for the caller on aisle 5
i think i found love
in dark bathroom stall
with a nameless face
and ended up on the fucking floor
i stuttered "i love you"s to whoever tuned in to hear
im the worst disc jockey but i can keep you listening
heres another confession from the side of the road
"im have a crush on anyone that ever second glanced me"
lock me up in the purgatory
coz im addicted to the haters,
i get off on their words
fucking to their honesty
fucking off from their fists
but id sure as hell break my knuckes on anyones teeth
that let a insult like that find its way to you
"basset hound loyal" to this backpocket believers crew
but isnt it ironic how theyve forgotten me so soon?

(you kids keep this loose cannon tied up. i love know you.)

THE PHARMACIST PRESCRIBES:

- One Singapore Sling for the heat rash between your thighs

- And one more down your throat to help you sleep all through the night

Little lost Romeo waiting on a sign from the divine

"Hes about as funny as a cry for help"
lookin pretty busy with his game face on
wringing his hands coz hes got a sleep debt he needs to pay off
youve done your dash so drop the dice and follow me
wolves at the door
marveled at how soon the hunter is the hunted
and the clocks never give a shit
put pen to paper and start the body count
ill bet you lost count of them all the moment you lost all their cash
the cards tricked his head
writing exposes on your insides
sitting on your front lawn throwing milestones at your window
swallow the broken glass
dont worry- it wont hurt you more than your words hurt him
let me give you the Cliff Notes-
put the lovesick puppy out of its misery.
"a vague disclaimer is nobodys friend but mine"

imustconfessiminlovewiththemess

"Well tax me like cigarettes and sell me in bottleshops!- Hey Kid!-
wheres the Doriam Grey?
Did you frame it? Hang it? Cover it in sheets?"

vs.

"I dont care what the prophets say anymore.
And i know you hid it in the doghouse.
Yeah i fucking know!- if you doubt it take a shot!
Too bad you cant shoot straight..."

I heard you get a prize in Heaven but Hell i want it now!

the salad days are over!
this shit is now legal!
so raise your glasses to the ceiling and toast to the heroes of your
lost cause
the antagonists saving you from muggers and rising interest rates
we hung the moon and all the individuals
they were 'just a wave at the docks'
and they arent going down without a fight
watch them put on their warpaint like their applying eyeliner
... last gasp effort...

so theyll call what we preach a joke, but put our names in neon- after
all- its the least we deserve. make sure you mind yr manners and head
and watch those lips checking no bombs pass them. tell the truth and
you shouldnt dare dream. follow the rules. follow the leader.

follow me.

rAveN& a wRIGti nG desK

>> the only reason you cant see in the dark
>> is coz your eyes are fucking closed
>> scotland yard stole our hope but we still got the box it came in
>> tell the kids the games up, were all done
>> raiding the bags under our eyes
>> for all our lost inspiration
>> what will we say when they ask for the truth?
>> break their backs and send em back to the gutters
>> restart this broken heart
>> breathe new air into collapsed lungs
>> "i have a bad feeling and i think its coming from you"
>> my pulse comes fresh from The Pharmicist
>> so ill tear myself apart and kiss those beats all over this room
>> whisper me something amazing between the times of 'shoving bottles
>> into my hand' and 'the morning after'
>> cause its all just empty bliss
>> this is the the last song and the swan has amnesia
>> this is coin operated love but you only got notes
>> this is the kids passing love letters in class not adressed to them
>> this is the bullshit artists who cant put paint to canvas
>> and these are the backpocket believers with holes in their jeans
>> "cupid aint a crack shot, baby- why do you think opposites attract?"
>> your just a another fucking mental(brief)case
>> brought to you by pricy italian leather
>> housing all my doubts
>> you are the reason your psychologist needs a psychologist
>> straitjackets could never set you straight
>

The manifesto

its no lie, ive fallen for you so hard ive broken every bone in my body

im so addicted to how easily you seem to ease the pain at the touch of your hand

but i heard, youre run down over and out

another casualty at the scene of the crash

but im here to help.

ill be your superman and your kryptonite

I always wished the world was flat so i could go to the edge and back.

a decade gone. when i say it like that it really makes my head spin. new years was always a chore to me. and i never liked countdowns as they remind me of the time left for me. it was weird- even though you werent there you were who i thought of when we all said "happy new year" and i hate myself for it. screw you, me, us all.
the only kiss i got was on the cheek from my best friend.
lovelovelove of the strictly platonic kind.

also, "failsafe". hah more like idiot safe. how come im the stupid one who presses the big red button right after everyone tells me not to? stereotyping me into a cliche action movie.
oh puhlease. schwarzenegger got it better.