Its not a "me" thing, its a "you" thing

hotel, motel, hostel, holiday inn
i am up to my glands in one nights stands
the noose is lookin pretty good aint it, hun?
isnt it ironic how you write his name on your neck like its some kind
of rope?
And isnt it funny how you takes every word from his mouth as gospel
when its really just lies?
how bad does the honesty hurt?
i spit this shit with no remorse
i got a massive ego but its chained down to my chest
about as free as a mockingbird with broken wings
i let it roam around with all the racehorses in the glue factory
my mistake for opening my mouth
this is the saga of another royal fuck-up
volume one of our tragedy

Why is the rum always gone?

ive been down this road before and its a dead end
there is no light at the end of this tunnel
it took me weeks to pick my self esteem up of the floor
and its gonna take me months to restore my faith in humanity
my heart was made to be broken
forget me
im just a nail in your coffin
another sawn off shotgun under your bed
i wish this was just another country town im passing through on the
road to a big city
but it just aint, little cyanide princess
looking like a kid on a date with uncertainty
you got a chip on your shoulder the size of house rafters
and hearts on all your sleeves baring teeth and 'no vacancy' signs
all my friends have lost the shine in their eyes
they used to be gold
now they are just gold-plated
(and i know im not the first to write about this)
but they are still my homeboys
our names in the good books
the bad book is the bible
but its not too long before we burn all the pages
and we are living in a house of cards
sit and smile as the roof caves in
spend time with me in wonderland
"we're all mad here!"

oh bby, just tell me how you are feeling, because i am in need of something to steal (AKA. you asked me a question, i answer with a saga)

make believe of making out
we are just the white noise in headphones.
you arent tragic, you are just a headache
"too bad i am in love with the pain"
and i am a zombie
a dead kid walking on Stilnox
dancing insomnia to the rev of engines
i have dreams of deathwishes
with you and me making love with guns in our mouths
i heard this story of prison wardens taking bets on prisoners playing
russian roulette
(but how ironic would it be if the guns were fully loaded?)
every dream i have you are in it
we kiss and the curtains drop down
but then what goes on behind closed doors is the real nightmare
"encore" and we are on stage in a heartbeat
limelights and i am over this shit
i have felt worse than i have in ages and im falling out and losing
control
i sit in my room and stare at the wall
daydreaming of the love you can never give me
i love you
i have the worst taste in anyone and the worst luck in anything
but you are amazing
i was in a winning streak and have since fucked up
i dont remember what was the straw that broke this camels back, but
either way i need a bandaid or euthanization
dont sleep. ever.
you text me something sweet and i text you back something sweeter
but no reply
then i stay up till dawn scrutinising every word i told you out of
fear i said something to hurt you
i am in a maelstrom with no boat or lifesaver
i think ive gone mad
and so the proof is in the pudding
choked on the file in my birthday cake
you just keep on pushing me away though
once bitten, twice shy
so i bit all the fingers off the hand that feeds me
i am waist deep in love and it is pulling me down harder than gravity
ever did
(gravity never loved me and) love is threatening to drown me
too bad my name is the reason you stave off the razor from your wrist
i just want to lay down with you and hold you close (isnt that what
lover's do?)
you stupid geriatric fuck
you are perfection
awkward laughs and smiles and i just swoon
i dont know anyone i would rather stay up all night talking to on the
phone
i spend all tuesday night rehearsing me telling you i am in love with
an angel-and all wednesday trying to get the words out
isnt this just great?
i havent got the guts to tell you how i feel
its like a scene out of a d-grade romcom...
but the buttered popcorn x sloppy kissing x groping in the dark cinema
x the thrill of not being caught makes it all worthwhile
i love your rockpool eyes
(i just want to fall right into you and drown, cause i know youll
bring me back to life)
i love your fragility
(porcerlain hope and come hang your heavy head next to mine on this
make-up and tead stained pillowcase)
"and you know what? fuck corny right now, coz the reason its cliche is
coz its foolproof and totally works!"
i dont believe in fate
but i believe in you

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips..

everyone just wants to watch you burn and crash
but we will show them, wont we?
youre just a posterboy for humanity
all walk and no talk of happiness
but i see the cracks in the mirror
worry lines deeper than laugh lines
i am a palm reader and my bachelors in the gutter
"oh how your eyes sparkle..."
throw in your two weeks notice
re-construction of everything you ever held dear
told to chasing cars in reverse on a highway...
(youre just fucking roadkill, kid.)
parents put you under home arrest on friday nights...
(youre just fucking buzzkill, kid!)
lovemaking in cuffs reminds you of nights with razors to your wrists...
(youre just fucking bonerkill, kid!!!)
inject me
i hate being loved
i want to be condemned
treat me like a monster
(its all i deserve)

I AM FALLING APART

and i find it kinda funny in that this isnt a plea for attention, its just to let you know i am beginning to accept my fate.

in other news i have found someone else- rather than you- to obsess over. its someone just as messed up as i am. we sorta just hang and talk about our personality flaws and how we are in love with them. its great. actually its amazing. i just gotta bite the bullet and share the inside of my head/heart/guts. and hopefully this time when i (eventually) get rejected, the carpet of self-confidence wont get ripped out from under my feet so hard this time. you made me eat the pavement.

but i thank you; you made me who i am today. i am over it and moving on.
are you proud of me?

"Shut your fucking face, or i'll smack you so hard in the mouth you'll be shitting out your wisdom teeth!"

Failure above the belt

my middle finger is stuck up at the world
fuck the kids
fuck the teachers
fuck the whole damn school
my mind is a blur but i love it
it equals the shakes in my hands everytime we exchange words
its usually ends up like a "heyhowareyougottogobyeloveyou"
even though i never mean it
thats the reason i have a energy drink 3xdaily
to make for the energy i lose trying to be normal
for once in my goddamn life i would kill to be laughed with not at
you think i love this? take a walk on a tightrope with your eyes and
ears shut.
dont listen to the boos and fuck yous
"good night, baby, sleep tight,
coz im gonna suffocate you with your blanket tonight!"