nearly eighteen.

i feel like im flying too close to the sun, and i can only hope that i will be better off for it. sometimes i become so consumed by rage that my only human thought is how i would give up everything to be able to cry again, or to able to smile with all my teeth. i cant even trace back my anger, pinpoint it to a certain moment, but a couple of nights ago i woke up at an hour no one should be awake at, and realised that one day i will die and no one will miss me. it was kinda an unexpected catalyst but it happened. i woke up later that morning and felt ready to take on the world, but only in a way that ends with me burning down the city skyline.
i felt like i have awakened from a coma ive been in these past couple months. its been rough living, but i don't know any better. i find it hard summarise my life so far, but all i know is that i have gained some new personality traits (not all of them good), had my heart and soul stolen more times than i would have liked, seen a couple of my favourite bands live, been in a couple fistfights, screamed my lungs out at the moon many a time, given up on friends, and in turn had friends give up on me.

to everyone that reads this: i don't know how you all work your way into my life but i feel like it all works like string theory. everything is interconnected. thank you for sticking it out with me. its been a long road, but this isnt the end, this is just a fork in the road, and i hope you all take the same path as me. thank you for keeping me going at my worst and for grounding me at my highest.