this is me wishing you interesting times

creature of habit

sleeping in my varsity jacket like its gonna give me its magic

in love with the electricity shock from the keyboard to my fingers

i want to write words that you want to swallow whole like a fistful of pills that makes you choke

i want you to write me a song that i can sing in my sleep with my hands around my throat

nearly eighteen.

i feel like im flying too close to the sun, and i can only hope that i will be better off for it. sometimes i become so consumed by rage that my only human thought is how i would give up everything to be able to cry again, or to able to smile with all my teeth. i cant even trace back my anger, pinpoint it to a certain moment, but a couple of nights ago i woke up at an hour no one should be awake at, and realised that one day i will die and no one will miss me. it was kinda an unexpected catalyst but it happened. i woke up later that morning and felt ready to take on the world, but only in a way that ends with me burning down the city skyline.
i felt like i have awakened from a coma ive been in these past couple months. its been rough living, but i don't know any better. i find it hard summarise my life so far, but all i know is that i have gained some new personality traits (not all of them good), had my heart and soul stolen more times than i would have liked, seen a couple of my favourite bands live, been in a couple fistfights, screamed my lungs out at the moon many a time, given up on friends, and in turn had friends give up on me.

to everyone that reads this: i don't know how you all work your way into my life but i feel like it all works like string theory. everything is interconnected. thank you for sticking it out with me. its been a long road, but this isnt the end, this is just a fork in the road, and i hope you all take the same path as me. thank you for keeping me going at my worst and for grounding me at my highest.