HandOverFist

(when i figure out what that means ill let you know)

Merry christmas.
i wrote this for you sometime between sunset and sunrise. so obviously its just stupid rantings. whatever. based on a dream i had too long ago to recite.

"I wish i could box you up under my tree
I wish 11:11 wishes worked on me
I wish the Tooth Fairy was real
But instead the Easter bunny cut me a deal
So now its coffee, cake, and his obituary
6 feet deep with his old pal Jiminy
Always with concience but without concious
He said im the love child of blasphemy and love loss..."

ill finish it one day. promise.

this is mutiny to the tune of you pleading the fifth

bobs yr uncle
death is mine
we shook hands
first name basis
and dared each other to write till we get
rings around our eyes
rings around our fingers
or
wrings around our necks

9 to 5s in the 'burbs

letters to who you love the most
unmailed postcards sent anywhere but here
dreaming of someplace greater
(and) even crueler than sibling rivalry
sworn enemies over your backyard fence
never knew any better
its always same shit, different DJ
repeat to repent and repeat
Groundhog Day with no symptoms
another sick-minded shadow of yours
so you go play the game to homemade rules
hidden aces arent allowed and we dont play for keeps
and hearts belong in (bird/rib)cages but are always sewn on your sleeves

stitch me up.
my love for yours.

DEAR YOU

i found another world. losers delight, they call it. they tell me its made of loosecannons and foolprooffools. liars. well i think i belong here. its not too shoddy. i think ill cut my teeth on it then keep it in my back pocket for rainy days.
yummy

Thnks Fr Th Fsh.

im slip-slip-slipping
on the ice on your hips
theres no friction between us
but i thought you would have figured that out by now
i gave you too much credit
"never bite the hand that feeds you or you starve tonight"
you carved on the backs of your hands, the mirrors, the walls
so determind to forget their lies, you strain to remember your own
truths
you keep a constant tally of all the times youve fucked up
but its funny how you only bruise your wrists
coz youre too chickenshit to take it up a notch
i was drawn in by the way you hang your head at the sight of me
im more than a failure because you want me this way
well guess what?
im not afraid of losing you like i was once upon a time
ill put you up on the bandwagon with mothballs and cliche
see you off into the distance

i love how you always fuck with my head

stop kissing my bones. we both know that all you want to do is jump them.

trace me some battle scars...

is this love or is this war?
take a shot in the dark and call my bluff
i got the benefit of the doubt
and smoke and mirrors up my sleeve
but who cares? (my catchphrase of the week)
every goddamn conversation tonight is forced through gritted teeth
you want to make it all right
like usual
go spin your web of sugar coated excuses
youre hoping to catch me at my lowest
but put up a fight coz this city aint about to let me go
im better off ted
and when i forget myself again and again
to the tune of another hot wired head
it brings me back to my feet
so you cant have it your way
but listen hard to the wind as it whistles through the alleyways
it calls your name
(love isnt love without war)

to whom this may concern...

my head or my hearts gonna explode
mind over (you dont) matter
excluding souls like kids in the playground
but schools out for summer
lets go down to the beach and put all our problems in the bottles
watch them float at sea to forget the fights between us
(there's something therapeutic about salty air...)
sometimes i just wanna push you off a bridge and watch you sink
but most of the time i just want to be wrapped up in your arms again
insecure little children never grow up
we are The Lost Boys
no matter how much i hate to admit it but i needed you since day one
i dont deserve you in my life
you are too good for me
please,
i love you.
broken smiles and pixiedust
maybe one day ill meet you in neverland
"two stars to the right and straight on till mornin'!"

"Take a hike, buddy- and by that i dont mean hitchhiking."

im the narrator in the story of my life
but you have the starring role
i hope you get blinded by red carpet lights
when im watching you on tv (acceptance speech blues, baby)
i hope the words are like glass shards in your mouth
because every note from your lips
is a knife to my wrist
the day you won over the crowd is marked
on my calender with a big black cross
this is not a school girl crush-
just a story from a Kid that wants to warn you-
this Story isnt for the faint at heart
these America's Suitehearts and
Prima Donnas Of The Gutters and
Front Cover Honeys arent role models for your children
so lets start a new fad
of getting back at those who stole your well deserved limelight

Blue Murder

let me shoot a bullet through a flock of crows

im sorry im a little "scatter-brained",

but what pieces you can find will be your host for this evening
(gotta rock and) roll with the punches
every hit aimed where it hurts
coz you were asking for it and i aim to please
so i ask you to fill out this feedback sheet
give me your hand me down dreams/second hand wishes
and we will call it a night
stage mums give me back my life
(grown ups who turned 13)
im going the wrong way
down a one way street
but i might just like it
(where ever i end up)

Bright lights and old fights

tie your worries to a bunch of balloons
and see how they stay grounded
im floating on heavy nostalgia clouds
at a minute to midnight
shooting star (or a crashing satellite)
close your eyes and make another death wish
“i wanna live on the dark side of your doormat”
a tiny Cleopatra on imperial litter
my clothes spend more time on the floor than on my body
belt buckles hitting wood floors
(keep) ringing on my fingers (and none in my ears)
and its flinging my head like a ball in another Wimbledon final
i put the skeletons of the past next to the monsters under my bed
Because the wardobe’s ready to burst
and i throw bullets off piers
so i can’t put them in sympathy guns
this is just another love story gone wrong
another romantic comedy turned horrific nightmare
i wouldnt wish me(this) on my worst enemy
looks like Little Miss Reliable finally grew up
to be something more than words on a page

My Heart Is A Machine.

i got my heart at a secondhand store
band-aid stitches pull all the pieces together
but i keep falling in love with planecrashes and trainwrecks
twisted art
tie me down to the tracks
you were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel
but i guess you were just a train
(run me into the ground)
they call it a crush because its supposed to hurt
"bruised and battered by your words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts"
(anaphylactic thoughts/ cant breathe)
i hope you miss me when im gone
“houston, i think we just crossed the “Rubricon”
point of no return to sender (with love)
bite down on the barrel
where my tongue where used to be (because i was your world)
fly to a place where everyome knows your name
sweet Wysteria Lane dreams
clean filthy mouths with soap opera lies
smoke breaks with the enemy
lunch breaks with the lover
you thought this was a perfect world?
you should have read the fine print
harsh Terms and (even harsher) conditions

tick.tock.tick.tock.

im late for a very important date
and not the fashionable kind of late I mean
surely I was invited?
invitation got lost in the mail so I wrote myself a new one
my handwriting is on a downturn
it follows Wall Street
unpredictable, unprecedented
twists and turns
economic drop thanks to controlling computers
google turns up empty when I search my past
“yahoo, I’m hear” holler if you need me
woops my elaborate brain
has caught me again and
drag me down to the depths of my own mind

"They call it a crush because its supposed to hurt"

paying disinterest on borrowing your laughter
ill make it spill from your mouth
like blood trickling down your chin after a near miss from death
fights in the street
break it up (break me up)
be my Joker (let’s put a smile on that face)
even if I have to carve it on

insanely happy (i hope you…) sleep heady dreams of harlequin hearts and creepy clowns
if you wake up frightened
in the dark all alone
surrounded by figments of your vivid imagination
keep in your mind-
way up the back past the clutter and
gutter trash (“Grow up” “Stop being such a Prima Donna”)
up side streets and across towns
down the road to the beach
there; where we stand and with no one
two hearts beat to-get-her-
that I want you to know and understand (no understudies or stunt doubles)
i never left You
(every time I close my eyes I see us standing on the pier)

Thanks to the silver screen your neurosis has got style...

ecstatic, eccentric
idiosyncrasies are swapped like “Pass the parcel!”
under the table where we held hands tightly
till I couldn’t feel my fingers
blood loss to my numb brain
i keep getting lost in my own insecurities
join the dots.
exit the maze.
finish the game.
then put it away.
high up in your cupboard where it waits
for the next time when you bring it out of the damp dark
wipe the dust off
wipe the sweat off your brow from trying to reach up to grab the box
practise makes perfect
maybe next time you’ll
(get a life) make a wish (rub the lamp)
for something physically possible

monopoly.

these harts and mmrs
burnt into my retina
paint the walls of my head
i close my eyes
“See you on the in(flip)side of my eyelids”
and count to ten
let’s play a game
of love and sin
the first rule is not to sleep
the second to spill your guts out your eyes to me
crybaby.
run back to your mother
so I can think “I did that to you”
give me the props and wait in the wings
you’re up next
for once
remembered not forgotten
always up the back in photos
face obscured
head in hands
try to smile through your tears
well heres my chance to shine
im gonna tear you apart
and study your insides
(like a book)
write a book
ill reader’s digest it quickly
and wait patiently for the sequel
eternal writer’s block constricts my head
dry ice always helps
it is the cure to all my problems
next to the penicillin on my shelf
easy to find in times like these
“I need to write/I have to/you don’t understand…”
except for today
all I keep writing are love notes
in the margins of my text books
left in my locker over the holidays

Sparky

you could fly kites on your hearts high hopes
but you keep getting caught in the powerlines
keep on floating,
Sparky.
what happened when the lights went out?
you brought the house downI brought your pants down
exchange secrets
hush hush- I’ll shut you up
fairy tales are for children, not Gentlemen
turn the volume down
(inside voice only, rmmbr?)
how very clandestine!
“I feel like we should all be wearing trench coats…”
covert military operation… if you choose to accept me and my ranting ways
can you handle the heat?
if not turn it down
(same with your voice… must I remind you?)
stop, raises the roof
go, drops it back down
till the updraft catches you again
but gravity will pull you down (it always has)
and next timeI won’t be there with a trampoline
to catch you and watch you bounce back like putty
kodak moment
shyashin o torimasu
put me on a plane to Japan
yr problems are Ayers Rock
mine are Mt Fuji
hike them to the summit
jumping off cliffs is all the rage
but you always cramp my style
nice one,
copycat

"I am nothing but a dreamer..."

caught in the purgatory
between sun sets and sun rises
smile before the light hits the horizon line
coz I won’t be there
i am stuck on midnight
clocks can’t change the fact
no matter how often daylight saving
grabs my heels and pulls me
into a different reality
where did that hour go?